Monday, February 20, 2012

The MST's of Toobis: Part the first and a half - Anime (part 2)

Remember Toobis's rant on how anime fans are retards? Well, the dreaded saga continues in this epic fail-tastic sequel:

"People who watch anime are retards (part 2)"
Yay! *Kermit-flail*
Remember when I said in a past rant that all most Americans cared about was television and movies?
How could we forget?
Some people said I was stereotyping,
You were.
yet about half of my new email since writing the Anime Rant is from Americans defending anime. Boy, they're sure proving me wrong!
Yeah, because God forbid should you tell Toobis he is wrong to make the statements he did concerning anime. Hell, you can't tell him he's wrong, period. It automatically makes you stupid.

One guy wrote:
For starters, I actually enjoy most of your site with the frequent updates and rants.  However, your recent "anime is for morons" rant reeks of bias and ignorance.
Thank you one guy.
I know that it's 'cool' to hate anime and that anime is seen in a negative light in general, but your rant was just pathetic.  Anime is just like any other form of media; anime falls into many genres and is just as diverse as movies, music and books.

Anime is as diverse as books?
I know, right?!
So are there a lot of historical non-fiction animes?
Probably. I think there's an anime for just about anything.
Are there animes written entirely in poetry? Has anyone ever done an anime biography?
There's a manga of Mien Kamf. Yes, no joke, they did a manga on the life of Hitler.
Let's not get CRAZY and start talking about anime as if was as relevant as literature. Treating it like some high form of art is just .. dun dun dun..
Damn, I so wanted to take a drink.

I've seen a fair amount of anime.
Remember the part where he said "I haven't seen enough to know"? Hm, you know what, take a drink whenever this dude contradicts himself.
I've seen the entire Outlaw Star series on DVD (crap), the movie Akira (garbage), and a variety of anime series shown on TV (lame).
I might be wrong, but there isn't very much "variety" just on TV alone. You have to search the web to find sites that show episodes, and go to anime conventions to get the DVD's and what have me, being an otaku is a big frickin' investment. You pay less for weed, Toobis.
There may even be more animes that I've seen, but I can't remember because anime is completely forgettable.
Or you were really really stoned when you watched it.
I tried to give anime a chance,
But it just wasn't working out. Me and anime, we had to come to terms with the facts; we had to break up *epic breakup song starts playing*
and watched the stuff considered the "best" by anime fans.
Again, you need to find more anime fans. Go to Ichibancon some time.
I then came to the conclusion that if the "best" was this bad, I'd hate to have to sit through a "mediocre" anime.
Depends on whether "mediocre" is "not in the Big Three" or "actually sucks". Have you ever tried anything that wasn't Bleach, One Piece or Naruto?
I can't say that any anime has ever really touched me in any way at all.
Glad to hear. I find it's best not to watch the creepy tentacle porn in 3-D, or it will touch you. Brrrrr.

Anime storylines are not written for children.
They are, then 4Kids gets hold of them. Then they are written for assholes, by assholes.
However, they certainly aren't written for adults either.
Never mind that seinen and josei are genres actually geared towards adults.
They are targeted at teenagers!
You mean, kind of the way Family Guy and South Park do it?
Just because someone dies in the story doesn't mean it's "deep".
Nooooooo!!!!!!!! You killed Kenny!
Anime fans keep trying to defend it as if anime cartoons are the modern day Shakespearian plays.
I never said it was Shakespeare, but hell Japanese is easier to translate to his frickin' language! They actually have a manga of Hamlet, by the way.
Probably so they can feel better about themselves and pretend like people who don't watch anime "just don't get it".
People who don't watch anime are like people who don't read webcomics. It's just not your thing. And you more than "just don't get it"; you don't get it, you never will get it, and you're ugly.
Whatever. There's nothing to get!
Except maybe Duct Tape so you can shut up.

Our emailing compadre continues with the following:
. . you said that anime has terrible animation.  Quite the generalization you have there.  Sure, some anime does have bad animation, but look at the animation quality of cartoons in the US/Canada - it's just as bad!  Well, first of all, most of the shows you've probably seen were made 10-20 years ago!  Dragon Ball Z is a prime example: airing in the US/Canada many years after it was made.  Most recent and decent anime has good animation quality.   It's very similar to crappy special effects / acting / camera work in movies and TV.
When you watch an old movie such as the first movie of the terminator series, do you say, "OMFG LOL DA TERMINAT0R LOOKS SO FAKE!!!11  LOL THEY SUCK MOVIEZ R GAY LLOL!!!111one" ?

Well, go f*cking figure.  The special effects suck?  I wonder why!  The movie's OLD

I can watch an old movie and still appreciate it. Citizen Kane anyone? Star Wars? Clockwork Orange? (By the way, if you've never seen Clockwork Orange go rent it and watch it with your girlfriend, she'll love it.) You have a girlfriend? Poor thing. I mean her, not you.

. . you complain about big eyes and unrealistic body proportions.  Who gives a flying f*ck?  It's all about style, or the lack of it when needed.  The facial expressions and gestures used in anime are just to emphasize the mood and other points.  Though you may not like the style used in anime, many people do - myself included.  It all comes down to taste and opinions. For example, Final Fantasy VII's character models were totally out of proportion, but that doesn't stop thousands upon thousands of gamers from recognizing the good parts of it and hailing it as one of the best games ever made.
FF7 was a good game? News to me! I used to be able to enjoy the Final Fantasy series, as predictable as it is, when they were still being made for the Super Nintendo. That was until they moved to the Playstation and someone decided to try to make the characters and storylines more and more "anime-like".
I think maybe Toobis is allergic to anime.
There's a part I remember in FF7 where the main character puts on women's clothing and it's supposed to be funny.
Because it is. Just like your face.
That's exactly the kind of crap that pisses me off when I watch an anime! The Japanese love to throw in 4th-grade jokes everywhere!
No, transvestite humor is not a 4th-grade thing; many actually consider that to be inappropriate for kids that age.
The cutsie "creature things" that are supposed to be comic relief (for who, 6 year olds?), the scantly clad women, the fart jokes
Since when the hell did anime have fart jokes?
; is that what the Japanese consider adult-level art? Did the Hiroshima radiation totally screw up that country or something? Knock it off you dirty japs!
This guy is an expert at pissing people off. Way to diss a nation that has probably developed a smart phone capable of shooting lasers out its screen. 

Another guy writes:
There is an explanation for the big eyes in anime. Supposedly, when Japanese animators were looking for inspiration, they saw Bugs Bunny. They though of something utterly brilliant: If American idiots like big-eyed rabbits, they must be stupid enough to like big-eyed everything. So, through careful planning, they duped 90% of adolescent America to fall into their trap and pay them money for sh*tty animation (one of the few opinions of yours I share).

However, some anime, despite the horrible animation, is still decent, I'm sure of it. Now all I have to do is find it and I'll have proof!

I too assume that somewhere, amidst the sea of TRASH, is one good anime just waiting to be watched. I'll be damned if I've found it yet, though!
But instead of searching, you sit at your screen and bitch. 
Anime is just a stark reminder of where this world is going in terms of literacy.
Uh-huh. Yeah, forget our economy, the degeneracy of today, or politics the world over; it's those gosh-darned Japanese people!
Teenagers are watching cartoons instead of reading or going to the theatre.
I watch cartoons and read, and I don't go to 'theatre'. I go to 'theater'. Learn to spell, you Euro-American dolt.
There is nothing intellectual about anime, and there's a reason universities have classes on Shakespeare and not on Japanese Por- err Anime.
This becomes a thousand times funnier when you realize there are college courses on anime.
Those half-naked cartoon lady posters on your wall (or website background) don't mean anything more than "I'm a loser".

I don't have "half-naked cartoon lady posters" on my walls. Or website backgrounds. And just because the half-naked ladies are real instead of cartoons, you're still a loser Toobis.

 Now, in the midst of all this, I got kind of hungry and bored. Then something shiny caught my attention and I forgot about the fat Canadian guy completely. There was actually a picture he had on the page that I chose not to add in, it was, in a word, gross. Seriously, her boobs looked like soccer balls or something. 

Well, I have to go, hope you enjoyed me mocking this guy.


  1. "I don't go to 'theatre'. I go to 'theater'. Learn to spell, you Euro-American dolt."

    He's nit being a dolt by saying "theatre", he's just using Canadian English.

  2. Indeed- mocking this guy made sense up to the point you stuck your foot in it by engaging in American spelling fascism. Either that, or not realising (note I didn't use a "z") that there are multiple variations on spelling that are entirely legitimate.

  3. Mind you, apart from that I've no qualms. But what can you expect from a guy who writes "So you were raped, get over it!" as one of his rants. I mean, seriously?